Welcome back to my first blog post of 2013. Since my last post of 2012 dealt with the end of my official book tour, I have found myself asking some serious, new – life questions. “Ok, your book was published and is now out in the world. (5 year process). “How do you continue your goal of getting the word out about the devastation sex addiction is having on women and children?” “How do you get your book into the hands of women who may want to read about your story?”
Being a first time author with no second book in the works, I felt a big emptiness when my official book tour ended. I had nothing else to write about or put out there as I had been so focused on promoting A House Interrupted. Because of the incredible havoc sexual addiction is wreaking on our society, I really thought that my book would be a big hit. (Of course it would, because so many people are dealing with this issue.) Not so fast.
I have spent a good part of the last 6 months putting together a workbook to go along with the book. Figured out the outline, what I wanted in each chapter, and set about writing. Unlike my first experience of writing the first draft of A House Interrupted, which just flowed out of me, with not a lot of effort. This workbook project has been far more difficult. After many frustrating attempts at writing, after some heart-felt talks with my husband, who thankfully tells me the TRUTH these days, I boxed up the piles of papers, articles and reference books that had been littering our entire family room, and put it away, for now.
In hindsight, I think I was trying to write something that was not me. And that is why there was such a struggle. The writing of my book was a true passion – I knew what I wanted to say and how I wanted it to look. I couldn’t get it into a publisher’s hands’ fast enough. I had the same visual sense for the workbook, but not the same passion. Big Difference. I am not saying I won’t write a workbook – I am saying that I believe the timing just wasn’t right for the direction I was going in.
I have since shifted my focus to doing workshop presentations for conferences where sexual addiction is an appropriate topic. I am very happy that my husband is also working with me on some of the presentations. One of my favorite groups to speak in front of are therapists who are getting certified in sexual addiction counseling. The credential is CSAT. My husband and I had a wonderful time at the September SASH Conference in San Antonio, TX. SASH stands for the Society for Sexual Health. Had the experience of meeting some of the leaders in the treatment of sexual addiction, authors of some great new books dealing with spouses of sex addicts, and having the opportunity to speak to up and coming therapists who will be treating women like me, and marriages like mine. It was a very humbling, worthwhile experience. Stefanie Carnes, PhD., was there and she had her new workbook, Facing Heartbreak, Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts, available. (Mari A. Lee, LMFT, and Anthony D. Rodriguez, LCSW, co-writers) Stefanie was kind enough to give me a beautifully signed copy, which I will keep always. Also, bought Claudia Black’s new workbook, Intimate Treason. More info. about these 2 workbooks on my resource page.
The best thing about being at the SASH conference was seeing the new focus the theraputic community is now giving to women like me. As I said, there were 2 new workbooks out for women married/in relationship with sex addicts. Great. The better news is there is now a more serious focus on the TRAUMA this addiction has on women and children who are involved with sexual addiction in marriage. Both these workbooks address this very important issue. And, there is now a movement to have a special certification for therapists and counselors to be certified in Trauma related to sexual addiction as it relates to wive’s and families. It was very heartening to see all the progress and interest that this issue is now so widely being researched and studied and written about. After all- it is about time!
When I went to the Meadows for in-patient treatment for Trauma, 15 years ago, the only book in their book store that dealt with sexual addiction for wives, was a book of daily meditations, written by Alice May.(see my resource page for more info.) Because I was told to go to a meeting a day, which is common in a rehab setting, I chose to attend COSA – Co-Sex Addiction.( I have never been comfortable with the title, Co-sex addict and what that may imply. I am not a sex addict) COSA is a group much like S-Anon. The information they had on hand at the Meadows contained 2 pages, in a loose leaf notebook. 15 years ago, the focus was on the addict. Really very little was focused on wive’s and children of sex addicts. So thankful to see that times have changed for spouses.
Because my husband was with me, we did do some great sight-seeing and really enjoyed a bit of San Antonio. Including, seeing one of our favorite comedians, Lewis Black, who was appearing right down the street from our hotel. He was hilarious, by the way. And the theater we saw him in was so beautiful. Restored to it’s original grandeur.
Of course, we went to the Alamo. I was really looking forward to seeing this particular historical site. Who hasn’t heard of the Alamo? It did not disappoint. Much smaller than I had imagined, but really moving to walk around the grounds. Have to say was very impressed with how San Antonio has preserved this area -they have done a remarkable job in protecting the buildings and surrounding areas.
I think the photo below is a pretty sight of the famous Riverwalk that travels through-out down town. There are so many restaurants all up and down this wonderful place. Some shopping too. Really fun to see. There are boat tours/gondola’s with tour guides available so if you ever make it near San Antonio, have fun!
Thanks for checking back in with me. Will post again soon. Would love to hear from you.